HeartBroken

Today I am hurt. I am just done. I am done with repeating the same things. I am done with being tired. I am done with aching. I am done with breaking. I am hurt because I know that I deserve better than this. I am hurt because I know that someone else out there is capable of loving me the way that I should be love and need to be loved. I am hurt because I said yes to what I thought was reality but yet it was a dream. I am hurt because I said I do to the end of my life. I accepted a partner who doesnt respect me. I am surrounded by words of manipulation and blame. I am ashamed that I chose this court. Teary eyed when I see the love other men show their wives wondering where is my love. Married to a man who does not believe in telling me I am beautiful. Married to a monster. Who takes everything personally. Who internalizes my feelings turns them against me brings out my faults instead of taking ownership of his. Making horrendous memories seem like they were all in my head. I just dont know how long I can take it.